In the Dark. . .
Have you ever experienced anxiety or depression? Are you someone that sometimes has a hard time controlling your mind? Or maybe you are an overthinker – in the mildest form or the most extreme form?
Anxiety and depression can come in many forms and you do not have to be on medicine or diagnosed by a doctor to have either of these. And these two play a huge role in you overthinking any and everything. Simple conversations, your future path, relationships, any and all doubts and fears. . . etc. . . and this overthinking hypes up your anxiety and the two feed off each other.
I have a mild form of anxiety and depression, and I am the hugest overthinker. I tend to bite my lip, pull on the ends of my hair, take forever to get out of bed, take extremely long showers where I just sit in the tub, stay overly busy to prevent my mind from having “free time”, or avoid going to bed because turning off the lights and laying in silence is a feeding ground for my overthinking and anxiety.
Do you ever experience that?
Going to bed is the time of day I dread the most. . . The lights get turned off and the only thing you hear is the sound of the fan and then silence.
No more up at 7am to rush and get ready for work, grabbing your child and his clothes and rushing to the babysitters. No more taking the long drive to work and praying to God, thanking him for waking you up and praying for safe and great days for you, your child, and your person, family, and friends. No more getting to work and checking emails, making your to-do lists, messages, and getting paperwork filed and things accomplished. No more taking a lunch break and checking social media platforms and blogs and personal emails. No more finishing your day at work or making the long drive home playing music to dance and sing to keep your mind awake and focused all the way home.
No more figuring what’s for dinner, changing and wondering about what needs to be cleaned or washed in the house. Playing with your toddler or relaxing with a show or movie on. Making new friends or followers on social media or creating a new blog post or making changes to your website. No more following up on your Brand Ambassador page or checking for status into graduate school and checking your courses.
No more logging into all your accounts to make sure bills have been paid and calculating what you have left for the month. No more following up messages as you look for another clogging team to join. No more goodnights and rushing to bed and winding down your headstrong toddler.
Nope. Nothing more, except you and your mind having the first moments of silence all day. In the dark, with nothing to focus on except what your mind starts focusing on. Which are the demons and the fears and the doubts that you experienced through the day. The gut-wrenching thoughts and ideas that you try and push off and shove under your constantly moving day. But now there is nothing stopping you and as all these thoughts swarm your mind, they become over-powering and you begin to cry. You begin to feel alone, lost, and unsure of what to do.
Have you ever experienced this?
We can get through this. Us moms, we have a lot to deal with and handle on a day-to-day basis and our stories all vary but to each their own with struggles and mind strength. How do you get past your demons? How do you get through each dark night?
I let it happen. I let the tears fall. I let the thoughts happen. Because if I keep pushing it off, something will break and as a mom and a person trying to balance so many things, I can’t afford a blow-up on anything else. So, I let the emotions take over and I give in to the sadness and the fears and I let the tears fall.
But then I pray. I pray while I am crying. Not begging for everything to be fixed, but I pray to the Lord to have his shoulder to cry on. I let him know everything going on in my mind and for strength and wisdom to get past it. I pray for understanding on everything that doesn’t make sense to me or that hurts. I pray. And I thank Him for all the wonderful blessings he has put in my life, and I pray for a peaceful sleep.
Sometimes it is still hard to get to sleep and to keep the thoughts at bay, but it’s very helpful in calming my mind and body and getting to sleep. It helps heal parts of me that can’t be reached, and it allows me to connect to God and admit to problems I have and begin to find the solutions.
Life is hard sometimes and sometimes turning off the world can open a scary place in your mind. But I promise you, there is light on the other side.
Pray to God. Pray for guidance, wisdom, peace, understanding, and be thankful for all the amazing blessings in your life!
We got this. Stay strong. I hope me telling my story and my weakness and how I try to overcome this inspires you to keep moving, keep trying, and to keep fighting. We have a beautiful life to live, and we can conquer our blessings together! We got this!